"Follow your dreams"

You know, I never thought I would say that, but... I don't miss you. Truth be told I barely even think of you nowadays. And even so, it's 
with fondness and some melancoly. You were my best friend. We've known each other for 9 years and even though we weren't always the best of 
friends, we were always good ones.It's weird to think of the way we went together. How much we changed 
together.I know you would be hurt if you read this. Me not missing you. And you would blame it on my new friends. But it's not them, it's not their 
fault. I didn't find somebody to replace you. As I'm sure I would never be able to, even If I tried. But, you see,  close to the end... 
You weren't there for me and I simply got used to not having you around. At first I was afraid I was acting like her, when she left us 
both. But it's different. We know it is. I didn't just walk away. I gave you reasons, I talked and I tried to make you understand. Even if 
you can't.

I hope you find somebody who will be able to be there for you and  that, because of what happened to us, you are able to be there for 
her. I hope you understand that it's not because you're messed up. It was never because you were messed up. I was messed up long before we 
met. Being messed up was a part of who we were. One more bond between us. What made us who we were and who we are now.
I confess that I feel a pang of guilt when I think of the way it ended and sometimes I have to control my need to text and see how you are. 
But I was right to tell you to back off and I'm glad you respected it and didn't fight for me. I may have done it for the wrong reasons, 
with a wrong timing. But they were my reasons and there were the right ones too. But I didn't want to set blame or you hating me. Nor end up 
hating you. And I really don't regret it.

I do regret, though, not having realised before that I was your person, even though you weren't mine anymore.

I don't miss you and never think of you. And we both know that's a lie.
I hope you find the peace of mind and happiness you need, someday.
Love
T.

I am not a scientist. I'm a writer. And most of all, I'm a dreamer.

One wish.

It sucks that I'm watching two people who may be in love with each other not get together because they're too scared to let the other person know. Love is free. Love is a gift. It shouldn't be a burden. It should be embraced, not hidden. And fuck the consequences. Risk it, risk it all. Love is too precious to be wasted in doubt, insecurity and fear. Don't waste it thinking of if's and maybes. They're not worth it. Love is worthy, though. Love is real. Love is the most powerful force that exists. It's the force that moves us all and brings us all together. Put yourself out there. Give the first step, no matter how scared you are. Take the first step because life's too short. And the world's a scary place. Take the first step because it's worthy. Love is worth fighting for. Love's worth risking everything. Try and try again. And again and again. And fall and stand up only to try once more. Fight. Even when you think it's hopeless. Even when your life's so fucked up you can't even think straight. Even when you think you're unworthy. You aren't. You deserve it. You deserve it all. Even if you don't see or realise it. Don't wait too long. Don't let it pass by. Don't hope the love will ease with time. Not without trying first. Not without giving it all you have.

There's so much to be offered, so much to be done, so much to be cherished. It's so great, so brilliant. Why can't either of you see it? Why can't either of you just go for it, just embrace what you have? It's so beautiful. Shouldn't be denied. Love should never be denied. Never be taken as an obligation. Never be faced with fear. 

So embrace it. Embrace love. And risk it all. Don't look back. Don't overthink. Just go for it.

And you'll see it will come to you.

Love will always find you wherever you go.

List of books to read/finish reading for the next month.

So far the books I have to read (finish reading)
- Born in Ice - Nora Roberts
- Born in Shame - Nora Roberts
- I am number four - Pittacus Lore
- The power of Six.- Pittacus Lore
- The rise of Nine. - Pittacus Lore
- I am number four, the lost files - Pittacus Lore
- Casual Vacancy - J.K.
- Temptation of a proper governess - Cathy Maxwell
- Dark Swan - Richelle Mead

I'm back!

After almost a week alone taking care of childrens that do not belong to me (thank gosh, I should add) They're finally gone and I've already managed to study a bit so I'm pretty sure I'll manage to catch up on everything. It feels so weird to finally be able to hear my own thoughts again, but damn, I'm so happy for it. haha. Anyway, time to also work some more on new posts and see how some of the ideas I had over the last few days work out.

So long,
T.

A family of my own

Sorry I haven't posted anything on the last few days, but I've found myself having to take care of twin 10 years old and a 14 years old girl. And they'll be here for a while. I'll probably be even more away now that one of the kids is sick and I am now having to learn how to be a nurse. Uh, not the end of the holidays I was hoping for but oh well.

I basically have three kids to call mine, for the time being. Lot of responsability for a girl, I gotta say.

Hopefully I won't kill any of them. Nor myself.

See ya.

Make mistakes - Neil Gaiman

Little note

Okay, so, just to warn you all off.
In case you hear anything about, I don't know, a girl (me) committing suicide or massive murder of family members or whatever... It's probably true. Unless I find out my mother was joking (highly unlikely. Mother doesn't joke) or somebody has the heart to save me.
And it means I lost what little of sanity I had left.
It was nice. Living. Being free.

See you all in the other side.

Hell awaits me. :P

Damn you. Damn you for bringing it all back again. For making me want somehting we can't have. Damn you for saying always the right thing and opening old wounds. I love you and I would do anything for you, but you're not hte one for me. And believe me when I say I wish you were. I am sorry I caused you pain, but I suffered too, in every step of the way. We lost our chance, and believe me, we did have a chance,but you said it too late. I don't regret any of the things I said, the same way as you told me you don't regret telling me you loved me, still do. I can't give you what you want. Damn you for making me feel like there's a hole inside me. An inability to feel. An inability to love. Damn you for telling me I was the one. The only special one and making me regret not feeling exactly the same way about you. For telling me we could have been great together. Damn you for being right. Damn you for making me feel so special, but yet so sad and unworthy. You are the better person. You have always been the better person. My light during the darkness. My calm during the storms. The glimpse of sunlight after every long lonely night. Damn you for being the perfect guy. For being the best of the best. In every single aspect.  Damn you for being always there. For making me feel so good to have you around. I was always myself when I was around you. And I was never hurt. Damn you for being my safehouse, for being my rock.
Damn you for being in love with me. For complicating every single thing.
And damn me. Damn me for not being able to give you what you needed. Damn me for not feeling the things you needed me to feel.Damn me for breaking your heart when I ran away, and not giving us the chance to be the best we can.

Friendship.

Time passes, life moves on, and every time you look at your side you realize that there are people walking with you. People you would die for. People you would kill for. People that you know, deep inside, that will be there forever. Or, at least, until death do us a part. I am not talking about marriage. Marriage can be done and undone in a few instants. You just need to sign a paper. But Friendship? You don’t sign a contract to become someone’s friend, maybe that’s why it’s so difficult to  make friends for eternity. But once it’s done... It’s just relax and enjoy the party.
You don’t find friends on the market. You can’t just go in a store and find exactly the kind of person you wanted to as your friend. They don’t come with instructions. If you want a friend, a real one, you`ll have to fight hard. You`ll have to give blood and tears, share blood and tears. You don`t need to be at your friend`s side all the time, you may just see your friend once a month. But they know that if they need you, you will be there. Doesn`t matter if you are a ocean away or across the street.
You give the moon for a friend if they ask you to. You cry with them when they are sad, or laugh with them in a moment of happiness. You don`t forget a real friend, doesn`t matter how much time passes, how much people appear in your way, how much you grow up. That`s the beauty in all the fairy tales. Not the prince charming that will end up with the princess. But the people who are there to help them to have their happy ending. What would have been of the snow white without the seven dwarfs? What would have been of the hero without the people to support him? What would have been of any person in the world if this person hadn`t had a friend? I can answer that for sure. Nothing. I would be nothing without them.
When you are a kid and you don`t have anything to worry about, even then you make friends. People you can play with, people you can fight with, people you can learn with. You start growing up and your life began to change, your priorities began to change. But still you have your friends. Maybe now you don`t want to play Barbie with them, maybe you don`t want to use your toys, or your teddy bears. You can trough them away, but you don`t do the same with your friends. You start to understand that you can tell them your secrets, your hopes, dreams and ideas. Sometimes you do fight with them, sometimes you get mad with them and say that you will never talk to them again. One day passes, a week, and when you barely wait, you are at their door, apologizing for being such an idiot and asking them to forgive you.
And life goes on, you meet new people, you make more friends, but you never forget the ones you had, nor the ones you still have. One day one of your friends start dating, and you get insecure, you start feeling jealous and thinking that they will forget you. Soon enough you discover it isn`t true. You discover that there is space in your friend`s life for a boyfriend/girlfriend and for you too. And you discover that your friend needs you more than ever. When she/he are sad, when they want someone to get drunk with, when they just need to be sure that there will be someone there, after all.
And you discover, soon or later you will discover, that people comes into our lives for a reason, and that doesn`t matter how your stories end, you know they have re-written your, just by being your friends.

"There are probably a hundred good reasons why we shouldn't run into this, but only one very good reason why we should. Life's too short. And we have found the most incredible love. Why shouldn't we just reach out and hold on to it?"

Curse's to love

Comes dark,
The sun's gone.
And as fall approaches
My path's doomed.
For I've been cursed
To a point of no return.
There's no escape cause I know:
My curse is to love.
Looking to the sky I see
A falling star
Telling me that I need to be
As bright as they all are.
Then so I shall
Shine even brighter than before
For I, differently from them all,
Shine for love, and even more
For loving you,
My past, present and future
As I've been cursed to do.

If I fall, will you get me? If I make a stand will you be willing to stand there with me? If I went to jail, would you get me out? If I were surrounded by darkness, would you be my light?

Close your eyes and think of me. What do you see? Is it love that you feel? Whenever you look into my eyesm whenever you see me smile. Can you tell the difference between love and desire? Do you think you're able to fight for me, even if just for a little while?

Would you bring me coffee even if I didn't deserve it? Will you be my partner no matter what I say? Would you take me into your arms and just hold me tight?

Hello blue eyes, I've been waiting to hear you say Always.

Am I still a one writer's girl? Am I still your muse, your inspiration? Will you still be the Alexander who will save my life? Are you still the writer boy who has stolen my heart? Will you be the one holding the hammer that will break my wall? Can you hear what I say,even when I say nothing at all?

Is it too late to say I love you? Whatdo I need to do to have you back? I was never as good with words as you are. 

You were always there for me, even when I was too stubborn to see. And now that I finally found out how much I need you, I have lost you.

I need you to be my light. I need you to be all right. 

My heart isn't mine anymore,
It's yours.
Take it and do whatever you want to
It's free.

I don't need you to love me back.
I just ask, if you please, accept it.
You're still free to go, whenever you want to.
I'm just saying my heart is going too.

I used to dream about when it would happen to me
And falling in love for real
Is way better than in any dream.

I want to love you,
To comfort you,
To show you how wonderful it is to be loved,
While you let me.

I want you to be happy
Even if I have to let you go.
Because I love,
I really do love you.

My head is spinning
Full of the words I should tell you,
Full of the dreams I had for us.
And the love I have.

I tried to forget you,
But my heart beats faster when I hear your name
And I can still feel the pain
Of knowing our story had to end.

The numbers I love so much
Didn't help me to figure out
The reason behind
Our screwed up relationship.

We had our chance
But wasted it
Now all I have left are memories
And the throbbing pain of my heart.

Loving you is painful
And I hate you for that
But I hate you even more
For not hating you at all.

The Gods watch
While we play the dice
And wait for somebody to catch
The wicked wind.

The stars shine
Waiting for a new beginning
While they hear the voices
Of a thousand people pleading

The angels now cry,
When once they would sing
For they where betrayed
For someone they so fervently admired.

Rain falls fast,
As heavy as it can be
And I wish it won't cast
Any type of spell on me.

The darkness swallows everything
You can see the flash of lightining
And you know they're punishing
Those who have dared to leave.

Happy New Year!

So, it's said the new year is a time for new resolutions, goals. New dreams. What have you all set your mind to do?

I hope whatever it is, you succeed. Take the risk. Every single one of them. You may end up hurt, but knowing you tried is so much better than never having taken the chance.

Have an awesome 2013 everybody.

I started my year in paradise and was hit by a firework during the turn of the year. Let's see how the year goes from now on. :P

Salut.

Wishing it was you

I feel the sun caressing my skin,
Heating up my body
And can`t help wishing it was you.
Your hands, your arms, your heart.

Stranger arms holding me,
Trying to make up for it.
But all I ever want is to be
Inside your arms, it`s all I need.

I see couples holding hands,
Exchanging kisses or the simplest of smiles
How I wish it were you and I.
In our together loneliness.

I see your name light the screen
Of my phone and I cannot hide the silly grin
For all your messages are like a dream
And it makes me feel like you were here.
Even if for a little while.

It makes me happy when I hear
Your voice against my ear.
But in my heart, I know it`s not real
And sadness sometimes overcome the joy.
I wish you were here

You are the sun, I am the moon
For I only shine when I`m with you.
You`re the rainbow, I`m the storm
You`re every way and without you I`m lost.

You`re everything I've ever need
And my love for you goes so deep
That even in my dreams
I dream of loving you.

Thaís Neves