As in today it's been six months since I set foot in Berlin and Germany
for the first time. Amazing how the time goes by fast, isn't it? And at the
same time so very slow. I've lived a lifetime on those six months, I've seen
things I had only dreamed of. I've gone to places I've longed for half my life.
And there's still so much more to be seen, to be done! People thought me crazy
when I decided to come to Germany. Even crazier when they found out I would be
spending a year and a half. No family, no friends. A language I barely spoke. A
country so far away. A country marked by history. But to this day, I don't
regret the decision. Surprisingly enough Germany has become home. My adopted
country for the time being. And German is a language with which I struggle day
by day and that each day, I learn a bit more. Of course sometimes I miss my
homeland. My family, my friends. My books. There were moments when I had no
Internet, no shows and no books that I thought I might not make it after all
(that was before I got the hang of the German amazon and a decent wifi). But I
did make it. I'm here. It's been six months. I've met amazing people,
brazilians, foreigners (non Germans nor brazilians), and even Germans. I've
found out Germans are not only punctual as they're famous for, but always
extremely helpful and prestative and friendly. A long way from the cold, proud
people I was told I would find. I miss the Brazilian cousine, but when I think
of going home I panick over the thought of not being able to eat a kebab. I've
learned how to cook, ladies and gentlemen. And though my mitbewohnering will
inform that every now and then I make some misstep I haven't yet burned the
kitchen or given us food poisoning (yes, I'm very proud of myself). I've
learned to clean a house, bathroom and all. I've learned to cherish the people
who work with both cooking and cleaning in ways I had never before. I've
learned to let go, and not only things but people who were no good to me,
problems that were not worth worrying over and appearences. I've learned to
pack my life in a handluggage with a smile on my face. I've learned a lesson in
humbleness. I've learned to ask for help. I've learned to be grateful: to my
parents and grandparents for having stood up to me and supported me on coming here
even though they thought me crazy, to my cousins for keeping in touch and
reminding me of home, to my friends who've supported me all along and who've
been there whenever I felt sad or stressed or missed home, to the friends I've
made and who've become my adopted family, not allowing me to feel lost in a
foreign country, for giving me pieces of home. I'm grateful for the opportunity
I've had and still am having and I'm trying my best every second of it. Berlin
has taught me I could be myself, just myself. And that whatever quirks and
perks I might have should be valued, should be expressed. No hiding. Berlin has
taught me that wearing a dress and shoes for a night out is not only acceptable
but expected. And that make up, slutty dresses and heels that are higher than
the tv tower are overrated. I've always been accused by my family of being
independent, but over the last 6 months I've known the true meaning of being
independent, having no one to count on but myself. I got lost, I got lost again
and again and in countries I didn't speak the language. But I also managed to
find myself. The value of asking. I've forgotten some Portuguese, some english.
I've tried to speak German with Greeks because it was the first language that
came to mind. I've said entschuldigung, dankeschön and bitte to Italians. I've
tried to speak Portuguese with British and Turkish people because I'm so
surrounded by brazilians I forget which language I'm supposed to be speaking.
I've started a sentence in English, switched to German and ended up with a
Portuguese word. I've had dreams in German while staying in Italy. Ive learned
words in languages I cant even pretend to speak. My head is a mess of languages
and words and I'm loving it. I'm yet to find the love of my life, much to my family's
despair, but I've found the love in life. I've made mistakes. I've cried
because I got unexpected gifts. I learned to cling on to what really matters.
I've made lifelongfriends for one single day. I've learned to cherish the
people that are only in our lives in passing, and to cherish even more the ones
who are meaning to stay. I've learned to forgive: others for their mistakes,
for hurting me or hurting others but most important, I've learned to forgive
myself. I've learned not to impose myself to others. I've learned that there
are few things better than a beer with friends, or even just water. I've
learned to embrace being alone and despise loneliness. I've longed for home,
and then realised I was longing for Berlin. I've learned to stop saying Real
when referring to money and start saying Euro. Ive bought frozen pizza in Italy
to save money. I've had milkhakes for breakfast in Greece because it was simply
too hot. I've missed my own cooking. I've gotten tired of eating my own food.
I've seen real castles. I've gone to a lake and swam on it trying to trick my
brain into thinking it was a beach. I've learned to accept the reality of
things. I've learned to mapread. I've bought an ukulele and am learning how to
play it. And I'm getting better at it than at the guitar. I've met people I've
only known online after years of talking. I've woken up in Berlin thinking I
was in Brazil and that it had all been just a dream. I've woken up in Berlin
wishing I was in Brazil. I've paid way too much money for brazilian food
because I was desperate for a piece of home. Ive learned to treasure the sunny
days, knowing that rain might fall in the blink of an eye. I've learned to
never trust the weather app and to always carry an umbrella or jacket with me.
I've learned to embrace short Skype calls. I've learned to always get the
Autobahn while on a road trip. I've learned to put myself out there and take
risks. I've reinforced my notion that there's no better companion than a good
book. I've been close to tears with desperation over the German language before
a test, woke up the next day and kept a conversation going in said language for
more than 5minutes and realised it wasn't the end or the world. I've read a
children's book in German and had my teacher tell me it was her 7-years-old son
favourite book. I've played crazy ping pong and won. I've learned to plan a
trip in a day. I've watched a game outside, in the rain along with thousands of
other Germans because it was the world cup's final. I've seen entire movies in German
and understood what was being said, even if not in detail. I've began to
capitalise words while writing in English or Portuguese because I forget that's
a German-only rule. I've gone out with summer clothes with the sun out and came
back freezing and wet because a storm had suddenly taken over and I was
completely unprepared. I've done brigadeiro for people from different countries
and had them go crazy over it. I've frozen my ass off waiting at an ungodly
hour outside the Ausländerbehörde because I didn't want to risk having to do
the same in Braunschweig. I've talked to random strangers at the tram in
German, left at my station and only then realised I had spoken German. I've
learned to say goodbye. I've learned so, so much in my time here and I'm living
the very last few days of this wonderful city. Counting down the days and not
wanting to leave. Not wanting for this chapter to be over and still looking
forward to the next one. More experiences, more people, more places to go, more
things to learn. More, more, more, just more. It's been six months, but there's
still an entire year to go. And may fall and winter and spring and summer bring
me even more. And may Braunschweig become my next
adventure.
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