One heart felt letter.

You say you want me but you never, not even once, fought for me. You say my friendship’s important to you but you only come to me when it’s convenient. I once called it a partnership, but how can we be partners when you just won’t open up for me?  I’m not that kind of a person. I can’t just stand by and wait for you to come to me when the mood strikes. It’s always or never. Because that’s how true friends are supposed to be. Doesn’t mean talking every day, but talking. Really talking, even if only once in a while. But actually talking. Not just showing up, saying hey and then disappearing, thinking it’s all going to be alright. You say you miss me but you never act upon it. I’m tired of being the one always looking, always going after. I’m not that needy. It’s crazy, really, because I’m jealous and I don’t even have the right to be. I’m possessive and I know I don’t have the right for that either. But that’s just who I’ve always been. I’ve never had to pretend to be somebody else around you and I sure as hell won’t start doing it now. And truth is, I get sad when I see that you go after the others, you talk to the others, but I’ve been put aside. Because your friendship’s important to me. And it hurts. One can’t control emotions, sadly, because if I could I would just walk away from you and never look back. But I can’t because I care. You matter.  But thing is, I matter to. I’m important as well. And I refuse to be the shadow of the person I could be. I refuse to be the person you go to only when you’re in trouble, only when YOU miss me. Because you’re not the only one who has feelings. And it hurts. But know what hurts the most? That you did all this to me and you never even realized you made me feel this way. It’s about time for me to stop being the white crayon, and I’ll try my best. I’m tired of being the sweet, silly girl who’s always there and who can be used whenever it pleases you. You may not think that’s how it is, but that’s how I feel. And I’m sorry I feel this way. It’s time to make my stand. The question is: where will YOU be standing?

You changed my life, and I’ll always be grateful for that. But I can’t just keep feeling like this without saying a word. I just can’t. Even I have a limit as to what I can take.

I really hope this is not goodbye.

All the love,

T.