Power of words

She opened up the book and started to read out loud, whispering the words, as if telling a secret. Dangerous words had been written down long ago by her own hand, one that was now old and marked for the years who charged their price. Powerful words that were feared even while they were being written. But then, arent all words powerful? Hadn't she been taught that every word was dangerous and that writing was the most dangerous thing of all? The darkest and yet sweetest secret. Too much power was held in the hands of those who wrote. The written word, the spoken word. Words coming together to form an infinity of all things. They were too powerful to be held down, locked away in a piece of paper, yet humanity kept on doing just that. They say humans fear what they don't understand and yet... Yet they wrote. She always thought it was because they didn't know they didn't understand, they thought they did when in fact they didn't. So they lied to themselves, pretending to have absolute control, but they have always been mistaken. But she knew better than to pretend, life had taught her not to lie to herself. She had been young once, and fearless, and though many would still call her brave, she had the one secret fear that she had to face day by day: the fear of words.
She had spent her life being transported by them, using them as an escape from reality whenever reality felt like too much. Whenever reality made her sad or hurt or even bored. Whenever reality was too real for her to handle, she played with them and found her own place, her own worlds. And slowly, word by word, they got a hold on her. They emprisioned her in all those worlds, all those possibilities. Until she had been trapped in her escape route that somehow became a prison. They charged their price. And as she created life with words, life ran by outside without her being aware. Life happened and she was trapped. A different reality, far more dangerous than the reality she had tried to escape from. And yet far more fulfilling.
She had been young once, and her youth could be counted on the pages of the books she had read and written. The sunrise and sunsets could be measured by chapters. Chapters filled with pain and sorrow and love and happiness. Her dreams had been an epilogue of things to come. She had followed them and as dreams were lived, more would form.
Fear me, she could all but hear the words speaking to her even now, so many years later. Words forming more words that would form complete sentences that would join other words and sentences in a net of powerful roads, where each twist and turn would be filled with dangerous wonders. Her first words had been a prologue for all the things to come, and while living the last pages of her epilogue the words kept on. Fear me. Fear me for I am the life of all things. Fear me for I am peace and I am war. Fear me for I am old and young and ageless. Fear me for I'm what has been and what will be. Fear me for I am light and darkness. Fear me for you love me. Fear me for I am life.
Fear me.
And so she read out loud the one word that had had the power to destroy worlds. The last word of all stories, all books, all realities, all lives. She read the one word as her own story reached it's end.

Books read in January.

Okay so, as a book a holic, people are always asking me how many books I read through the year and I'm never sure, at all. Last year I tried to make a list of the books I read during it but let's just say I lost the damn paper and couldn't remember most of the names so... I'm trying a one list a month thing and this way I'll know which ones and be able to make a proper count at the end of the year. xD
I'm at a romantical month, one could say so xD Anyway, these are the books I read from beginning to end, I also started City of Ashes and I've been reading The Ocean at the End of the Land, but I decided they only count if I started and finished on the same month. Or in case of these two, they'll count on next month's when I do the February list. I may or may not do a little review on them later on but for now let me just say they're really good books, the first 14 by Nora Roberts and the last one from the series The Mortal Instruments.

Dark Witch
Daring to dream
Holding the dream
Finding the dream
Taming Tash
Luring a lady
Falling for Rachel
Convincing Alex
Waiting for Nick
Considering Kate
The Last Honest Woman
Dance to the Piper
Skin Deep
Without a Trace
City of Bones

If this is a dream I don't want to wake up
If it's all just a dream then let it become my reality
For in this dream I can hold you
In the dream you know that I love you.

I try to reach out to you but you won't look
I'm all alone and you can't see me
I scream the words to the wind, for the world to listen
Yet you never hear.

You're in my arms, I hold you tight
I can count the infinite beats of your heart
As we lay, side by side
Whispering promises in the moonlight

Day by day I try to convince myself it's a mistake
But one look at your smile and my heart's awake,
All the reasons this could be wrong make it be so absolutely right
that I catch myself counting down the seconds until it's night.

As night comes and I can finally sleep, in dreams you come
Your heartbeats have the sound of a drum
Telling me all that I need to know.
Telling me that in dreams, at least, we belong.

Some german music

So, on the spirit of one-month-till-I-leave-for-Germany-for-a-year-and-a-half (more to be said about this later when the mood strikes) I'm going to put some German music here to educate you guys. As if. Nah I just really like this song, and this band as a matter of fact, and though it took me a trip to google to actually understand more than a few words here and there (totally worth it btw) I wasn't disappointed. It's also a proof that German isn't ugly as a language. I know that when people think of german, of Germany, the first thing that comes to mind is Hitler and WWII and all the blood, tears, pain and despair of war, of a country left in the hands of the wrong people (well not left but taken over by). But there's so much more to Germany than that. There's so much more to the german language then the Hitler speeches or what we saw on some WWII inspired movie. German is not a language for curses only. It's also a language for music, for poetry and for pride. I do admit the huge words that look like complete sentences (and that actually are complete sentences when you get to know them) are more than a little scary. But there's so much more to it than the scary first, second and third impressions. Just... Listen.

I thought you said you would never let go of me

I thought you said I could never be replaced

But hurt as it might, deep down I know

Our friendship has changed.

What once was is now but a memory

And all the plans we had, all the promises we made,

Are now nothing but ghosts,

For our lives have changed

I tried to hold on to the pieces of the past

But they kept falling through my fingers like sand

As a painful reminder that everything has an end.

I tried to let go of you,

But the ghosts of the past keep crawling back,

Sneaking their way in and never letting go of me.

Past and future keep me chained where I am,

Trapped in a tug of war between what was and is

And every time it seems like one might finally win

The other pulls back and in the middle I stand.

And as my mind begs me to let go of it

My heart, full of memories, begs me to keep trying.

And it’s thinking of forever that I’m stuck

Never even knowing whether to follow brain or heart.

It's like you're casting me aside and I don't even know why.
Did I say something I shouldn't? Did I do something wrong?
It's like the bonds that brought us together are breaking
And you don't even realise that.
Is our friendship worth fighting for? Are you willing to try?
Or have you truly replaced me this time?
Can't you see that I'm trying? Can't you see that inside I'm crying?
It seems like we've been friends for forever and ever.
Then why do I feel like I don't even know you anymore?
Why does it feels like you no longer know who I am?
It seems like you've cast me aside now that you have your new friends.
It hurts that you seem to be always too busy for me.
I thought friendship was more than that.
I thought we were more than that.
It's time you made your stand.
Please let me just be awfully wrong.

It's time we said our goodbyes
I just want to thank you for saving my life.
Everything was so much darker before you came by
So thank you, for guiding my path.

It's funny how much I changed because of you.
You asked me nothing and simply accepted
You never once thought me silly
And whats more important, you gave me friendship.

Photographs show a time that once was
And the battle of a girl completely lost.
And though nowadays I'm mostly found,
We never really forget the ones who touched our heart.

Thing is, though you might not even remember me,
I assure you I will never be able to forget.
And I hope someday I'll see you again
Just so I can finally thank you properly for all you did, saving me.