Who are we?
I ask myself as I look into the mirror,
The face that stares back is so familiar
And still nothing is the same.

What have we done?
Have we lost ourselves while chasing shadows?
Have we drowned in our own sorrow?
Have we suffered so much we stopped trying?

The eyes that look back at me are so much older than I remember.
I watch as memories from the past run through my fingers like sand
There's no holding back anymore
They're all gone, and so are we.

We learned from our mistakes, but some can't suffer amends,
And the people we loved, we lost forever.
I was once young and brave
A little girl with the world in her hands.

But her wings were chained by those
Who would stop her from flying
And her dreams were burned
Right before her eyes.
Her creativity suppressed,
By those who could so easily lie.
And her tears would carry, an empty desire.

We were born to be broken,
But does that means we can't be fixed?
We were shapped for loneliness,
But can't others hear our hearts screaming?
We were taught to be hopeless, yet faith took over
On those who foreced themselves to believe.

We have done that, haven't we?
So easily abandoned, by those who claimed to care
And so easily fooled, by anyone who would stop to stare.
So desperate for love, we forgot to love ourselves.

We were shaped into humans, who never learned to care
And we were taught to continue, even though we were bleeding.
We were raised in fear, of the pains from within
Yet as we went to sleep, unwatched, we dreamed of freedom

She looked up from her book when she heard a noise, thinking it might be someone approaching. Funny how you can be transported in between two worlds so fast and be brought back with a punch when a noise that threatens your seclusion manages to penetrate through the barriers of your mind. A lifetime can be lived in the chapters of a book, and she had already lived too many lifetimes to count. Some would say she hid behind books because reality was too hard to bear, and they were right. What’s the point of real life, really, when every step you take is just another step towards suffering and every person you meet is just in the corner waiting to break your heart. She had once been a great actress and she learned the art of laughing and smiling even when her insides were screaming when she was still young. What is life if not a big play? She could make friends in the blink of an eye but she could never keep them even if her life depended on it. Everybody eventually left. Her life was a parade of so called friends who would continually break her heart. No matter how hard she tried, how much she gave or how much she begged. One by one they left. They broke her heart continuously It’s not that she didn’t like people, though, she loved them. Their different mentalities, cultures, languages, accents. Their different backgrounds and tastes. She just never fit in, even though she tried. She could surround herself with people, smile, laugh, joke… But deep down she would still be alone. A defense mechanism against all the previous suffering. She didn’t block people out so much as keep herself from being hurt any further. In just how many pieces can a heart be broken before it’s enough? She never got the answer to that question either. And she lived in fear that she was very close to finding out.

 That’s the thing about books, though, they will never disappoint you. Books will never leave you, even when they break your heart. Books are always there for you. They take you flying far away and they take you in, help you breath. Books could make her laugh but they never charged for her smile, they never forced her to pretend to be something she wasn’t. Books never have any expectation whatsoever. She could always just pick them up whenever she liked it to read and then put it back in her shelves until she wanted to take them out again.  Books understand.

Great News!

So today I've received some marvelous news:
I've been accepted by a university here in Germany to study there for a year starting this winter (tecnically this fall), and it really is a dream come true. After all the struggle, all the despair, the late nights trying to write the perfect letter or even before that the late nights of studying for my tests in my uni in Brazil. Dreams do come true, if only ones work hard enough for them.
And this is it. That's my dream. Archieved with sweat and tears which makes it all the more worthwhile.
So yeah I'm damn happy and I just thought I would share the news ^^

Love letter to a stranger

Dear Stranger,

I know we've probably never talked before and this may sound a little weird but the thing is, I love you. I think you are the most important person that ever existed and I love everything about you. Even all the things you seem to consider flaws, even the defects. I love you for who you are, when you let yourself trust enough to let your shield down. I love the way you smile, the way you talk and I thinkg you are the most beautiful person that exists. I think you have a good heart and I know for a fact you will archieve great things if only you allow yourself to. 

My dear, I hope you've had a good day. I know life can be rough sometimes specially with those of us who they are unable to comprehend but you can do it. You can fight everything and every single person who tells you otherwise, who tells you can't or that you don't have what it takes. Because you do. You have a strenght within that's hiding, just waiting to be discovered. Just waiting for the right moment to come out. There will be good days, as there always were, and the bad days don't need to take the beauty out of the good ones. The good days should be cherished, enjoyed, go crazy like there's no one watching. It's on the moments of sheer joy and freedom that you shine the brightest. 

Find the people who make you feel like you can be yourself and don't let go of them. Find the people who make you feel special, unique, invencible. Surround yourself with them. No matter if they live next door or a thousand miles away. And let go of whoever hurts you, whoever makes you feel like less. They're not worth of your time or tears. Seek love, even when it seems like there's no hope, for you'll find it. 

Take risks, my love. Go on adventures, even if these adventures are inside the pages of books or the episodes of a new show. Try, try and try again. And know that whenever you fall there's always going to be someone right there to catch you and help you up again. Even if sometimes you can't see it. Make mistakes, I know this sound like a line stolen from one of those help books but the only way you'll ever learn what's right is by doing what's wrong. 

I know we're most likely to never meet, and it saddens me to know that. But I also know that you're alive. You're alive and you're seeking happiness. And I truly hope you find it. And I'll be right here waiting, loving you. I hope you think of me, sometimes, when you're feeling sad or happy or lonely. I hope you think of me when you feel like there's no escape. No moving forwards. I hope you remember me when you feel you're not important. When others tell you you're not good enough. I hope you think of me, and remember that I love you and think you're the single most important thing in the entire universe and all other universes that might be discovered. I hope you remember me, and that you know that I'll always accept you for who you are, instead of for who you pretend to be. You're my idea of perfect, and I hope someday you can think the same about yourself. I hope someday you're able to love yourself half as much as I love you, and to believe in yourself as I do. Because you're my lifeline and you deserve to be happy.

Have a great week.

Always yours,

Love, no matter what

I don't think there's anything else that needs saying.

Traveling around

Hi there,

I know I haven't written anything in a while and I miss it, a lot. But lately I've been doing a lot of travelling. And a lot of going out (check me out with a social life). My roommate and I went to Poland on a roadtrip with a few other brazilians from our school, it was great. Not only the knowing of a new country but also because of the experience and the history we got to learn. We went to Krakow and did a tour around the Jewish neighbourhood, we saw the Castle and got to learn a bit about the dragon's tale. We went out, we had a great time. But one of the things that marked me the most was the Jewish walking tour that I did. And not only for the story, since we got to listen and follow all that had happened in Krakow and Poland since the moment the Jewish started to go there until past world war 2. With of course a focus on the attrocities commited during the war. We saw Schindler's factory. We saw the Chairs Platz where the jewish had been told to gather and then taken or killed. What marked me was the claim the guide made, which is recurrent here in Germany and in all other places marked by the WWII. She said "Please, don't remember us for the atrocities commited. There's so much more to our history than that. When you think of us don't think of Aushwitz only. Think of all the good things we did to the Jewish and to everyone else through our history." And also the fact that, like the germans, they don't hide what was done. But they learned and they do their best to make sure history won't be repeated.
Anyway, after Poland I spent a week back in Berlin having classes and then I spent 10 days in England, where after a few days in London, which was marvelous, and the Wicked performance (which will gain a post for itself)  I got to spend the most marvelous time with Hannah who I finally got to meet. ^^

So yeah. That's the reason and I'm sorry and the minute I finish this other project of mine I'll try to give more thought and dedicate myself more to this blog.

Live long and prosper xD

First week in Berlin

Okay so this was going to be a pretty much detailed description of my first week here but I got lazy halfway through so I'm just gonna post what I did write and make a short text some other day about the  first month. Sometime xD
Excuse any mistakes, I was doing it on doc xD


The trip started with the flight from Recife to Frankfurt being two hours late, since the system went down for a few hours, making check in impossible. While in the airport I met some of the people who I had been talking on whatsapp for months. The people who were to travel with me. After the plane took off, we had a 10 hour marathon and since it was an overnight flight, I ended up not sleeping more than about half an hour total.
Arriving in Frankfurt two hours late I had already missed my connection so I had to go and have my flight rescheduled, which gave me no mora than 20 min to go through passaport control, imigration and going to the next gate. I'm not sure whether or not you've ever gone to Frankfurt's airport but let me tell you this: it's bloody huge. It's like on the top 10 biggest airports in Europe or around the world or whatever. It's like a small city. Anyway, this girl and I had were going to take the same flight so we decided to stick together. We basically ran through the airport and did everthing we had to do in 15 minutes. It was a mad race. To the point where while passing the X-Ray the guy there was like "somebody is in a rush" and I said "yeah. My flight takes off in 15 min".. Once I told him my gate he just turned at me and said "you're not gonna make it." But hey I did make it. Barely.
Anyway so we took the flight from Frankfurt to Berlin and getting here my dear friend was waiting for me. Which, let me say, was simply adorable. Right, so before that we were waiting for our luggage and it never arrived, so after getting out we went to the lost and founds and then some other place to say that our luggage was lost and stuff. They took our addresses and numbers and gave us a protocol number, saying our luggage was in Frankfurt but would be sent to us that same day, the next one in the latest. The four of us (because there was another brazilian in our flight) then shared a cab to the hostel.

The place we stayed was actually pretty cool, they had free wifi and a pool table along with a bunch of other cool stuff. We checked in our room and went out after some food, finding an actually really good place to eat. A big enough meal for two, though since we didn't know we had to fight our way through the plate, giving up no more than halway through which was when we found out we could take the rest to go. Making that our dinner, as well.
Iso and I went back to the hostel to drop some of the stuff and then she showed me around a bit of Berlin's Mitte. Damn the place is beautiful. It's a big city but not exactly as the ones I'm used to in Brazil. And the buzz of voices around and signs of world wide known brands made it seem like we could've been anywhere in the world. Although the cold did say it was nowhere near the Equator line. And full of people from all places. It was really cool. Anyway we browsed some stores, we went in a bookshop (You can take a girl out of her country, out of her world, you can even take the books away from her... But you will never be able to take her away from the books.) and I was really happy to see there were some books in english too (yay me). Anyway we finally parted ways, Iso and I, I mean, at the hostel since it was getting late and she went home. I went inside and met up with the brazilians who were there (There were loads of us) and we sat at the "common room" to socialize with one another and drink some beers and soft drinks and whatever and play cards and be loud. When I finally got to sleep it was way past 3 am, Germany time, making it like over 24 hours of not sleeping. Woke up the next morning and we went out as a small group to do some sight seeing, we ended up going to the Bode-Museum, which was pretty cool, and then I went back to the hostel to try to talk to my grandparents while the others went to another museum. Later on I went to Alexander Platz with a bunch of people and ended up getting lost on my way back. It was, now when I look back, pretty hilarious. I got home and they wanted me to drag me out again, to a nightclub or something, but I refused to go... Until I rested and ended up going anyway. After all, you gotta enjoy it while you can, right? So we tried to go to this place but we didn't manage to get in. For no other reason than: Berlin nightclubs have guys at the doors, not exactly security but sort of, and they choose who goes in and who doesnt. Apparently I wasn't cool enough to go in... Or maybe it was the fact that I was with two other guys in my group, and not girls only. Anyway we went back to the hostel and we did a bit of a party in the common room again, until I went upstairs to sleep.